Going From Lean Man to Green Man: Can A Freelancer Go B-Corp?

Badger Balm provides not only natural,
but also ethical products. 

It's hip to be green, right? 

With more and more businesses around the world joining the ranks of the B-Corps, the future of for-profit environmentally sustainable and socially responsible businesses is looking brighter and brighter. But what about the little guys - like me? 

There are millions of freelancers, sole traders, artists, writers, designers, journalists, and IT professionals around the world who aren't part of a company. They are just themselves. What can they/we do to make a difference?

In my other life, I work in a health store. while all our products are natural and contain botanically-sourced ingredients, that doesn't necessarily mean that all the companies that manufacture the various products we stock are sustainable or responsible.

Recently, however, one company did stand out to me. 

Badger Balm is an American company that produces natural balms and ointments. It has become famous around the world for the quality of their products, as well as for their mission and principles. 

I'd never really paid them much attention, but the other day after a conversation with a customer about Badger Balm, I decided to go online and see their website. I was impressed. Their integrity, what they do for their employees as well as their customers, was astounding. They give money to charities, give their employees paid lunch breaks, and even have community workshops you can attend by giving a donation. 

No wonder they are in the top 10% of B-Cop businesses around the world. 

So I thought, right. I want to be like them. 

I may not have employees I can spoil with health insurance or free workshops, but I do have a computer, freelance skills, and a buttload of determination. 

So here's the plan.

I have turned down a recent offer on a project that would have earned me $2000 USD. For writers, that's good dosh. Don't get me wrong, I need the money, badly. But I really have to search my soul during projects like this one. The sort of project that demeans your skill as a professional, that make you feel like a dirty, ghostwriting SEO writer, formulating articles not on the basis of good content, but to maximize Google search hits. 

• I am going to earn the same amount of money ($2000 USD) in 8 weeks;
• I will only write articles that teach, inspire, empower, and free readers;
• I will work by the the ethos that earning money by doing what you love can and will result in both personal and public healing;
• 10% of all my before-tax earnings will be donated to selected charities;
• At least 5 articles will be given away for free to local community-based publications in my area;
• If I don't love it, I won't do it;
• I will take the opportunity to both eco-friendly my office, my house and my life.

 

So here, I go, wish me luck. 

I have 8 weeks to get there. 

Who knows, maybe at the end of all this, I can even make my freelance writing business B-Corp certified.

If I make it, not only will I be able to pay off my credit card (following my expensive midwinter wedding), but I will finally be able to put to rest the age-old question: can you really make money by being a complete idealist, a dreamer, and a fool? 

Let's hope so. 

Poem Accepted for Publication!

Poetry New Zealand has accepted my poem "Diary of an Ex-Online Gamer" for publication in their next forthcoming issue (issue #47). Sorry for the plug, but I am very excited about this. It has been a while since I have submitted poetry for publication, anywhere, as I have been very busy at work and on my business, as well as getting married (more on that later). The news came just as I made a commitment to myself to spend more time and energy on my creativity. Then I went to the mailbox and, presto!

Go check out the website for Poetry NZ -- they are a classy outfit and have been around for ages, publishing poetry from both the local and international scene.

Fear of Failure, or Success?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

We are all afraid of failing at some point in our lives. Whether it is the fear of letting our loved ones down, or failing at getting a cake to rise, it comes up a lot. But what about the fear of success? Recently I was speaking with a friend about my personal fears around failure, and how it holds me back, sometimes, from trying. Now, don't get me wrong. I've done a lot, succeeded at a lot, and I am no shrinking violet. But once in a while, something is so important to me, a dream so big, that I am afraid that if I don't live up to the dream, it will be ruined forever.

My friend advised me that I am probably more afraid of success than failure. To which I heartily disagreed. Success would be lovely. But it did get me thinking - is success just as terrifying as failure? Do we really want to succeed, with all that success entails? Maybe meeting your dream partner means that you will lose your freedom and have to settle down. Maybe becoming a published author means that your thoughts and dreams will be open to criticism by others.

When have you ever been afraid of success?

Where Are the Magical Men?

Arthur Rackham illustration. 

Recently on the blog of Theodora Goss there has been a conversation going on about "magical men" -- men who partake in mythic art, writing, music, etc. Men who see the magical, fantastical aspects to life, and attempt to converse with us (the readers, the viewers) through creative mediums about them. More to the point, the conversation is about: where are these men?

Women who write, paint, carve, sing, or communicate in some other way about the mythic or enchanted realities of life are literally everywhere. But where are the men? Some fellows, like Charles de Lint, Charles Vess, Arthur Rackham, Neil Gaiman, and Brian Froud are indeed as magical as they come. But after a few minutes, it becomes harder and harder to think of more examples of magical men.

Is it because men are less likely to be interested in fantasy and art, or are magical men less loud and visible than their female counterparts? As Theodora says, maybe it is because women feel more social acceptance to setting up Etsy shops online, or blogging about poetry. This is true -- a lot of men I know paint in private, write in private, play music in private, but don't make much of a song and dance about it. Unfortunately.

Magical men do exist, and they are everywhere. But men are not like women, in many ways. They are quiet, often humble, often docile. They don't talk about their feelings as often, and are less likely to express their deepest intimacies. When they do, through art or writing, perhaps they are also less likely to share their creativity with the rest of the world?

Never mind the burden that men face in life. I know many female artists and writers, who are able to pursue their creativity more because of the money earned by their partners/husbands. How often is a man allowed the money, time and space (by his spouse or family or society) to pursue his art more full time? Often it's OK for women to be supported financially by their husbands so they can write a novel. How often is the reverse true? It happens, but not often enough.

Arthur Rackham illustration.

Men are raised to think they have to be everything -- they have to earn the money, support their families, become successful and prosperous. I know a lot of men who feel like failures if they can't buy the cars, the houses, the clothes that other men do.

Without question, from childhood, men know they have to support themselves financially, and possibly support a wife and children. More and more women are working full-time while raising children, but for men it is rarely a question, a choice, or an option. Men simply do not feel they have the option to not work.

If you are not working full-time and doing something respectfully difficult, you are a lay-about, lazy, a leech, and possibly a "bad provider".

Is it the fault of women that men do not take part in more art? 

No, the problem is that men have to listen to their own inner drive. If they want to do more art, be more creative, experience more magic, then the voice inside their gut has to become stronger than the voices in their head telling them to be responsible/reasonable/practical. Often those voices are not theirs in origin. Whose voice is it? A mother? A brother? A teacher? A line from an old movie watched 20 years ago?

And is it a voice that loves you? Really loves you?

Let's forget about "men" and "women" and talk about "people". As a person, do you deserve to do what makes you happy? What financial and emotional support do you need, as a person, to do what you want to do?

Arthur Rackham illustration.

As a man who writes, who paints, who believes in magic, I haven't survived and thrived by being more feminine, more sensitive, more airy-fairy if you will. I would say my gifts have been sheer determination, tenacity, and stubbornness. I wanted to prove them wrong -- the voices. The ones that tell me that I can't "pay the bills with poetry". And I did. Sort of.

And so do many other men I know. Men who publish poetry, have art exhibitions, write stories, talk about astrology, and believe in magic. It is an honor to know them.

At the end of the day, only a real man with guts can give himself permission to do something fantastical and beautiful and magical in this world.

Is Being A Writer Good Enough?

"The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time." - Mary Oliver

Writing is one of the most endangered, fragile professions that exists.

Not because there is any lack of skilled and passionate wordsmiths floating around. There are countless numbers of us. The reason is because there are so many obstacles to becoming a constant, prolific and successful writer. Some of the most talked about are editors, changes in the publishing world, low remuneration, deadline pressures, and people in our lives who wonder when we are going to get "real jobs".

But the worst enemies are within.

Low self-confidence, doubt, fear, creative blocks, fatigue, resentment, jealousy, etc. These are some of the enemies that live within the writer. Do bankers suffer from these internal struggles? Do gardeners, or dentists, or other people who have "real jobs"?

This morning on the way to work I talked to my partner about my confusion. Was I really meant to be a writer? What about all my other dreams? Didn't I once want to open my own natural health clinic? What about the reiki school I talked about? And the bookshop I wanted to start up? Once upon a time, I was even going to sign up for web design courses and make the big bucks.

What happened to all those dreams? All those other parts of myself, crying out for attention, for love, for time?

After listening to my angst, my partner reminded me about dharma -- the idea that whatever we are doing right now, we are meant to be doing it. Even if writing feels selfish at times, it has a larger purpose. I don't know if that is the official definition of dharma, but it is interesting, and it helped me to feel better. If I want to writer, maybe I am meant to be a writer.

And maybe, just maybe, all those other parts of myself will forgive me for forgetting them just long enough to finish this next story...

     In a time and place that is now both gone and forgotten, there lived a young stick of a boy, who lived all alone in a tower by the sea cliffs. With no one to talk to and no family to look after him, he would go down to the rocks and forage for his meals. He pulled seaweed from the rocks, caught crabs and shellfish from the thick mud, and once in a while, harpooned fish with sharp pieces of wood. 

And when his belly was full, he would write. He wrote all his words on the paper he could find, and when the paper was all gone, he wrote on dried leaves and curtains and on the stones in the walls. People, families, friends, they lived there in his poems and stories. He could hear their voices in the corridors, behind the mirrors, and even in his dreamless sleep...

The Need for Creativity

It's been a while since I last posted, but I have been a busy bunny.

In the past few months I have taken up full-time work at a natural health store in the city where I live. It is a mixture of retail and something close to pharmacy. People come into the store and tell me what their problems are, and I see if I can help.

They have a cold, I recommend some supplements or nutrients for their immune systems. They are stressed, so I recommend maybe some Bach flower essences or herbal medicines to relax the nervous system. They are getting muscle cramps at night, so I advise magnesium tablets, etc.

It's good work.

Unlike writing, you have constant face-to-face contact with the people you are trying to reach and support. You get feedback too. I love feedback. It lets me know if what I am doing is working or not.

Though I have recently been published in The Art of Healing Magazine, Organic NZ Magazine, and The New Zealand Journal of Natural Medicine, these articles go out into the void and I never know if they have made a difference to the readers. But I do hope.

Asides from this good work, I am focusing once again on my poetry. After a long string of rejections in 2012, I am picking myself up off the kitchen floor and getting back into it. Rejections are hard. Every creative knows this. While at times it feels like a slap in the face, it is good for us. Or me, I should say. It reminds me that whether I am successful or not, good or not, publishable or not, I still have to write.

Why do I have to write?

Not long ago I had coffee with a friend of mine who is currently in employment by the local council. It's a good job and she worked long and hard to get there. But now she has little time for her creativity -- her botanical painting, and her knitting and sewing.  She told me, though, that she can't just give up because she has no time. Creativity, the will and drive to make something out of nothing, is in her -- and it is not going away.

I was glad to hear her say this, because I feel the same!

For the last few years the drive and passion for writing and storytelling has gripped me. It will not let go. And please God, don't ever let it. After a few weeks of no creativity, I start to bunch up inside. I snap at my partner, bark at our dogs, snarl at customers (well, on the inside, sometimes) and just feel downright cantankerous.

A few moments of pure, unadulterated writing is all it takes to transform me back into the zen-like creature I like to imagine I am most of the time.

Recently this all took place. After a few very long weeks of working over-time at the shop, I was feeling rather Orc-ish. One night after hissing at my boyfriend over something significantly trivial, I took myself off for a late night coffee and a session with my notebook.

Instead of writing about how bitter and terrible my life was, I started writing a story. It was a small story, a cute story, about nothing in particular, just a man searching for something -- I have yet to finish the story though, and find out if he reaches the end of that journey.

But that one night opened up the dam again. Ever since I have been writing pages and pages of notes, poems, stories, quotes, lists, etc. It helps. It helps so so much. I need it, the way a bubbling pot of newt eyes and bat wings needs the lid taken off once in a while to let off some steam.

I don't write because I want to be a writer. I write because I have no choice.

If it doesn't make life easy at times, it makes it interesting.

And isn't that better?

Fairy Tales, Mother Holle and the Creative Journey

Fairy tales and folklore has always featured a huge role in what keeps me going as an artist and a writer. Creative Every Day has recently posted a guest blog, written by yours truly, on the role fairy tales and inspiration play in the creative journey -- and how one particular fairy tale has recently helped to keep me afloat. Please check out my article on Mother Holle and the Creative Journey.

Does Creativity Lead to Better Health?

"It doesn’t matter if you are painting, writing poetry, journaling, sketching, or making pottery — the simple and timeless act of creating something out of nothing, and operating from that quiet and primordial place within you, initiates changes within your body." - Joel Le Blanc

The TLC International Art School in Wellington, New Zealand has recently published a feature article of mine detailing the links between creativity and health, and the scientific research that proves the link. I studied at TLC several years ago during a very difficult time in both my personal life and in my health, so it somehow feels that I have come full circle to have published this article for them in particular.

This is a very exciting time for me in my professional life and I just hope that this article, and future articles to come in this area, may help some people in their journey. 

The Human Voice

"Our voices are saturated with who we are, embodied in the rhythms, tonal variations, associations, images and other somato-sensory metaphors in addition to the content meaning of the words. Our voices are embodiments of ourselves, whether written or spoken. It is in times of extremity that we long to find words or hear another human voice letting us know we are not alone." - Robert Carrol 

Get Ready, Get Set, Go! The 2011 NaNoWriMo Begins

It's that magical time of year again.

Yes, that time.

The time when writers, their faces full of palour and want, can go forth and let their imaginations frolic in the warm sun.

When would-be novelists, can become real novelists!

When daises sing and unicorns...

Oh never-mind.

It's NaNoWriMo! National Novel Writing Month -- when writers from all around the world converge in the ethers of cyberspace to join in the frivolity and festivity that is known as novel writing. For 30 days and 30 nights we write, and write, and write, with the hopes of gallantly reaching that finishing line carrying a hefty 50k-word novel in our pockets.

Will we succeed? Maybe. Will our respective spouses and pets leave us forever out of festering bitterness over being ignored for an entire month? Probably. Will we have fun? You bet.

It's Day One of the challenge and the excitement is palpable... and if you have only just heard about it, well, it's not too late! If you have a novel you have been dreaming to write one day, or have one stored away, awaiting a dust-off, the time is now.

Because if now is not the time, when will be? 

On Creativity and Burn-out

Here is a (rather long) comment I recently made on Terri Windling's blog, in reply to her wonderful and insightful and beautiful post on creativity, rest, burn-out and despair. Read the original post. 

When I was studying to become a medical herbalist, I took some extra papers to gain a small certificate in sports nutrition, and in doing so I learned an interesting concept which comes to mind when I think about or experience burn out: when training to make your body stronger, faster, leaner, or to reach a certain goal, the body requires specified times of rest.

At night as we are asleep, our bodies calls forth the minerals and nutrients from the deep to strengthen, heal and facilitate growth of all those tissues that sustain us and makes us powerful -- our muscles, ligaments, tendons and bones. Just as we need the night and the sleep for this nocturnal regeneration and rejuvenation to occur, we need days off as well.

If two or three days of hard physical work is not broken up by a day or so of not doing anything physical at all, the body doesn't get better. The muscles do not grow larger. The bones do not get thicker. You don't make your goals. When you do not give your body the time it needs to repair your tissues -- time to make them larger, more durable and stronger then ever -- plateaus and burn-out are much more likely to occur.

I try and remember this to temper the inspiration, motivation and drive that I feel for my creative and work projects. If I feel my energy and my spirit wane, I have to let go of whatever important thing I am doing, so that I can go down and go deep into some rest, and have faith that whatever needs to get done, will still get done.

Demand Studios Cuts Thousands of Articles

"You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water." - Rabindranath Tagore

Freelancers and business owners all know the risk of relying too long and too heavily on one big clients, and writers around the world -- myself included -- are now feeling the heat for this poor business strategy.

Demand Studios, for whom I do a great deal of writing work, has recently began restructuring their business so that they have fewer articles published to their clients (content sites like eHow and Livestrong) and the assignments that remain are better quality. While low-quality articles that clog up the net are definitely a problem, this restructuring has come on suddenly, unexpectedly (at least to me and hundreds of others), and has left many, many writers almost completely out of work. There are not enough assignments to go around for the first time in years, and the list of available articles to write has dropped by +20,000.

As writers, we are told not to fear. We are told,this is a temporary restructuring. That the articles available to us will be higher quality, easier to write, and increasingly frequent. We are told this is all normal and will improve working at Demand Studios overall. And then, we as writers sit and stare at our screens, and wait, and wait, and wait. 

Now, if we had taken ourselves, our businesses, and our livelihoods more seriously, we would not have put all our eggs in one baskets, as this timely article that arrived in my inbox the other day describes: Make More Baskets by Rob Garrett. 

For the moment, I am more or less surviving. In fact, I am taking this as an opportunity to broaden my horizons, find new clients, challenge myself in new areas and take my writing business more seriously. But thinking of all the people that relied on this giant company for their income till now, I feel deeply concerned --  and wonder why hardly any forewarning was given to the freelancers who make their company possible? 

Time will tell how this pans out for all of us involved. Talking to people, reading inspiring quotes, and in general staying positive is an important regimen for me during this transition, and I remind myself that not all changes are bad ones. 

Can Creative Writing Be Taught?

Recently the blog DIY MFA posted a question "Can Creative Writing be Taught?" in response to an article written in The Guardian tackling the same question. It's interesting how many people get wrapped into all sorts of knots over this issue.

To Degree or not to Degree.
To Dare to Dream, or Not.

As if answering this age old question in the world of creative writing and publishing would put a lot of people out of their misery, and usher up the chosen few to the front of the line.

You know.
Those guys.
The ones with 'talent'.

I suppose my official (and short) response to "Can Creative Writing Be Taught?" would be: Yes.Yes it can.

The considerably longer response: I myself have learned creative writing. And I still am learning. Not just through tertiary learning institutions though, but from all sorts of places and people. I read essays, writer's magazines, blogs, online articles, newsletters and take workshops. And, most importantly, I read books. I read lots, and lots, of books. Especially those in the genres in which I am interested in writing. Show me an urban fantasy book and the transformation will amaze you. If urban fantasy was a cookie, I'd be cookie monster - but without the blue fur. Just normal man fur.

I also read a lot of non-fiction books on the art and craft of writing. The local library is full of books published by known and unknown authors on how to write, how to unlock creativity, how to structure the next big Dan Brown-esque novel, etc. Some of the best and most useful books I've found include "Booklife" by Jeff Vandermeer and "Artist in the Office" by Summer Pierre.

Learning creative writing is not about reaching a destination. Joyce Carol-Oates is not going to magically appear in a puff of literary smoke and hand you a laminated card with the words "REAL CREATIVE WRITER" written on it in big, bold, black letters. To learn writing - to learn any art - is an ongoing process on which you embark. It does not happen right away. You've got to be passionate, you've got to have determination, you've got to have the spirit and guts and balls to say "Yes, I can learn."

And the moment you think to yourself "I have arrived!" - you have failed. Just because you have a degree, it doesn't mean you can write, or get published. And just because you're published, doesn't mean that people like you. And if people do like you, and you've got a New York Times Bestselling Novel, you might still kind of suck.

Keep walking, keep journeying, keeping writing, and your craft and skills will grow with you. Every time I get a new issue of Writer's Digest, every time I sit down and write a poem on my napkin, every time I read a book, I learn something new about writing. It never stops. It's crazy.

Ever played Pokemon? That game where you run around catching monsters, and raise them slowly so they gain magical powers?
If you have not, I recommend you try. The analogy helps.

A Declaration of War

The Naysayer

Recently I had the experience of an unfortunate friend saying to me, "You can't really teach creative writing, it's just something you're born with."

Now, this was not the first time I have been faced with this sort of pessimism from friends, family or strangers. Most writers and artists will, at some stage, have comments like this thrown at them. 

The comment was made even more ridiculous by the fact that, I have learned creative writing. At school I was never particularly good at english, nor did I enjoy it. The rules around language skills were boring, if not disabling and mystifying . It wasn't till many years later when I attended creative writing courses at university that I (re)learnt rules around spelling, grammar and sentence structure that had mutated in my mind over time. 

Now many (if not most) of my bills are paid through freelance writing. I have made several professional sales of poetry. I've published articles on health, alternative medicine, relationships, pets, creative writing and book reviews.

Now, I am not the most famous writer in the world. I am learning new things all the time. There is so much to learn. Libraries are filled with books on writing techniques and craft. The internet is bursting with web sites and communities ripe with knowledge. Bookshops are made possible by writers who did not give up, did not listen, and decided to learn to write. 

I have learned, am learning, and this alone is proof that the societal myth around creative writing simply is that - mythology. 

The Myth

So why is it that so many people assume that writing is an innate, sacred gift, bestowed to the chosen few?

Well, for starters, there are stories of writers who became rich, famous and powerful after publishing their first ever novel. Stephanie Meyer is a good recent example of someone who had never written anything before publishing "Twilight", and hit the big time. 

Try this on for size: 30 famous authors whose works were rejected (repeatedly, and sometimes rudely) by publishers.

This whole experience of talking to my friend has gotten me so fired up, so incensed, so burning-hot-mad, I have decided to officially declare War.  

War on the naysayers.

War on the puny pessimists.

War on the creatively-crippled. 

Writing can be learned. Writing can be developed. Writing can be honed and crafted. 

The Plan

I am planning to post a series of articles and blogs on the process of writing, sharing exercises, tips and wisdom that I come across in the journey.I am going to share my own journey of learning to write (for the journey never, ever ends!) and in doing so, leave a trail of bread crumbs for others to follow. I am not proclaiming to be a guru, or an expert. Just a guy too stubborn to give up, or give in. 

Rather scribbling down an exact and formulated plan of action, this blog is going to be an organic and natural creative process. What needs to be written here come through inspiration, through conversation, through books, through projects I work on, through characters I invent or channel.

If there is a need for the knowledge to be communicated, I trust that it will find a way to come through. 

This blog is only one of many, many sources of information and help for those wanting to learn to write, or improve in their writing. 

Its a long, hard road. 
But nothing worth doing is easy.

Working Hard on Blog

I've decided that if one has a blog, one must learn to use one's blog more effectively. 

Or at least, more effectively than one has been doing - if "one" means "me". 

Having said that, I know that I am a highly visual person, and having a blog that is pleasing to the eye, energetic, possibly even inspiration, will help to motivate me incredibly to log in and start typing away in here.

When you are a freelancer, you are acutely aware of phrases such as "time is money". However, I have decided that is not how I am going to run my home business. I am going to take my time, have fun, explore, play and enjoy the full and delicious ride of it as long as I can.

I did not become a writer because I wanted to earn money (the two simply just don't go together). I became a writer because I wanted to share with others that which that I love, the knowledge that has helped me, and the energies and ideas that have moved me. 

These are the sentiments and abstract ideas which I decided had to be expressed and connected through my blog.

I have spent the last few days working hard on the design and layout. It's been a joyous experience to tap back into old skills I gained as a teenager when I used to teach myself web design and HTML. More then anything, accessing the visual aspects of the brain and giving the "audio-digital" language of the analytical mind a rest I've enjoyed. 

The blog is mostly finished, with new pages up and running allowing readers to see my published writings, the art I am working on and the e-zine journal that I am editing. 

Next step: finish up connecting the links on the left-hand panel, have some tea, charge up my camera and learn to use it more often, play with some paint, dance around in my living room, then get back to work. 

Beach dreams and memories and clouds over hearts.

Yesterday there were cobwebs in my mind. Trying frantically to work and finish off some of my freelance projects, I was starting to feel desperate. All I really wanted to do was work on my art.

Sometimes it's as though my heart is trying to bulge out of my chest. If it did, would it bleed colors, and what would those colors be? 

I went for a long walk on the beach, asking the universe for a sign. How to reconcile my creative side with the need to pay the bills? The days melt away when I try to pin it down and make time to make art or poetry. 

I noticed flocks of birds out on the water. Hundres of birds black like magic, casting clouds over the bay. Moments later dozens of peacock-colored sardines wash up onto the seashore all around me, flipping fish dances in the white foam waves.

 

Before I know it, the sun comes out and gives water wings to fly upwards. I don't have any concrete answers, but some of the clouds in my heart gives way to the sunshine too. Whatever happens, the creative journey is never done. I'll be fine. 

Rabbit at Sunrise

Recently I have decided to expand my horizons, to exorcise my demons of low-self-confidence and poor-self-esteem, and learn to paint. I love drawing and painting. And I've always wanted to do it properly. The other day with a shaky brush and a timid heart I approached my very first canvas, and I thought that I could share the end results with you.



I am pleased with it. I don't think it's the best painting in the world - it's very rough and not detailed at all. However I am surprised how well the rabbit did turn out - that was the scariest part of the painting. I had images of a rabbit-looking-mutant ending up on the canvas. But no, my fears were in vain. It is just a rabbit. A beautiful, dark rabbit watching the stars. I wonder what he is dreaming?



This experiment has spurred me on to continue painting. I love colors and spent much of my teenage years playing with the very early versions of software programs like Adobe Photoshop and Paintshop Pro. My sister was a web designer and would share these delightful programs with me. I taught myself a lot at that stage about designing, color theory and computer graphics.

However, I was always too scared to make my own images. I only ever manipulated other people's.

Perhaps now that will change?

To leave off, here is a new poem that I wrote earlier today, inspired by some of the new photos on Terri Windling's blog of her dear dog, Tilly. 

"Library Dog"

On pillows of pages
and beneath vines
of songs and paint,
a library dog lulls off
to a forgetful sleep,
disappearing into beaches
and stories and storms
of distant blue,
and grains of sand
that write lullabies into the ocean.

Productive Day

Today, so far, is a good day. I have made time this morning to read a marvelous and inspiring book "Artist in the Office" by Summer Pierre, as well as write some new poetry and finish editing one of my latest short stories. I have sent the story, as well as a poem, to one of my tutors for critiquing. I can only hope she will be gentle!

Days like this make me feel as though the direction I am taking is worthwhile - as though I am not wasting my time completely. I need to earn some more money, true. I could really use a decent hair cut, sure. But I am producing, I am sending things off to the publishers, and people are enjoying my work! Real people. Not imaginary ones. Not family members who are forced to smile and nod approvingly as if my love depended on it. Real people!

Last night I opened up my email account to discover a poem is going to be published by an ezine "Very Bad Poetry". Funny name, eh? I suppose it's where a lot of my poetry belongs. And sure enough, the poem that they selected for publishing, in my opinion, was not one of my greatest. But it doesn't matter. People (out there!) will be reading it and it's one more thing for the CREATIVE RESUME. I mean, it's like painting, right? Whats the point of writing this stuff if it just sits on my hard drive. It might as well be out there (!) somewhere, where it might give people some measure of satisfaction or pleasure. I know it is a thrill and great feedback when people like your work enough to publish it.

The day is not over yet, however. Time to go prepare some lunch of some form, and then perhaps get to some of my other assignments. Who knows, maybe even those freelance articles that might pay my bills?